Hiding Behind Bangs [entries|friends|calendar] The Lizard Queen [ website | In-step, In style, Insane ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[28 Mar 2006|05:14pm]

[16 Feb 2006|12:24pm] I have a feeling I'm going to have a love a love that is unlike anything where words can't even come close to how it really feels where the world just wouldn't be right if we weren't together where the universe has been planning this meeting between us for lifetimes Our love could save the world, baby... 1 comment|post comment

This Isn't The End [12 Feb 2006|12:28am] So many things I wanted to say that I've forgotten. Today I went to my sister's psychopathology class to be a guest speaker. To be the normal kid. Today I opened myself up to an entire room of complete strangers. Today I was exposed Today I was vulnerable Today I began my journey I'm finally taking footsteps in the right direction to finding myself. I thought growing up without a dad, and having my mother absent most of the time, being made fun of for most of my impressionable childhood, smoking pot, sneaking out to meet guys way too old for me, getting arrested, skipping school, almost failing, never having real friends, drinking way too much in college, taking diet pills, taking sleeping pills, having nightmares every night that almost cause heart attacks, dropping out of college, having a fucked up brother to overshadow and pity, having an overachieving sister to live up to, being alone most of my childhood, growing up too fast, never completely enjoying being a kid, having my heart broken, being told I was never loved by more than one person, being told it was all fake, losing myself, or never really knowing myself........was all just normal. I never really realized these things had such a deep impact on me. I can't deny these things any longer. The cure? Dancing with eyes closed Not wearing makeup for once Or clothes even, for a day Showering with the curtain open Crying in front of people Letting people cry in front of you Hug more Love more Say you Love someone more Never give up Sometimes give in Face fears I'm finally going to take my own advice. Are you ready for this new thing? This thing called love, called real, called me. 2 comments|post comment

I Have an Addiction to Showering at 2 a.m. [29 Dec 2005|02:45am] [ music | Eating cold leftover bread pudding, yum ] I held onto reading this book for as long as I could, but the ringing in my ear was unbearable. Feelings of being high strung. Mixing diet pills with coffee was not one of my better ideas. Pounding, pounding, pounding. Taking over. Controling my thoughts. I'm freezing. I prepare myself. I turn on the water, and undress myself. I let down my hair. I look at myself. I can see everything. Everything about myself that is beautiful. Everything that I hate. I step in. I push my head under the stream, and let it roll down my back. My lip quivers. Pounding. I turn the nozzle down to turn the heat up. It's too hot, and I wimper. But, I don't change it. At first, I just stand there and take it all in. I move slowly. Washing and rinsing, like I'm being precise to make sure my sins are gone. But, I don't need steel bristles to make me realize I've done bad. When I'm done, I still just stand there. Letting the water flow on my curves and envelope my body; I feel whole. I feel right. You could never make me feel as good as water does.

Friends Only [15 Dec 2005|07:54pm] Because I have nothing better to do with my time Than to make you wait On me Comment to be added <3 1 comment|post comment

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