Hiding Behind Bangs

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 22:15:06 GMT

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 17:27:45 GMT

I have a feeling I'm going to have a love
a love that is unlike anything
where words can't even come close to how it really feels
where the world just wouldn't be right if we weren't together
where the universe has been planning this meeting between us for lifetimes

Our love could save the world, baby...

This Isn't The End

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 05:43:30 GMT

So many things I wanted to say that I've forgotten.

Today I went to my sister's psychopathology class to be a guest speaker. To be the normal kid.
Today I opened myself up to an entire room of complete strangers.
Today I was exposed
Today I was vulnerable
Today I began my journey

I'm finally taking footsteps in the right direction to finding myself.

I thought growing up without a dad, and having my mother absent most of the time, being made fun of for most of my impressionable childhood, smoking pot, sneaking out to meet guys way too old for me, getting arrested, skipping school, almost failing, never having real friends, drinking way too much in college, taking diet pills, taking sleeping pills, having nightmares every night that almost cause heart attacks, dropping out of college, having a fucked up brother to overshadow and pity, having an overachieving sister to live up to, being alone most of my childhood, growing up too fast, never completely enjoying being a kid, having my heart broken, being told I was never loved by more than one person, being told it was all fake, losing myself, or never really knowing myself........was all just normal. I never really realized these things had such a deep impact on me. I can't deny these things any longer.

The cure?

Dancing with eyes closed
Not wearing makeup for once
Or clothes even, for a day
Showering with the curtain open
Crying in front of people
Letting people cry in front of you
Hug more
Love more
Say you Love someone more
Never give up
Sometimes give in
Face fears

I'm finally going to take my own advice. Are you ready for this new thing? This thing called love, called real, called me.

I Have an Addiction to Showering at 2 a.m.

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 08:01:23 GMT

I held onto reading this book for as long as I could, but the ringing in my ear was unbearable. Feelings of being high strung. Mixing diet pills with coffee was not one of my better ideas. Pounding, pounding, pounding. Taking over. Controling my thoughts. I'm freezing. I prepare myself.

I turn on the water, and undress myself. I let down my hair. I look at myself. I can see everything. Everything about myself that is beautiful. Everything that I hate. I step in. I push my head under the stream, and let it roll down my back. My lip quivers. Pounding. I turn the nozzle down to turn the heat up. It's too hot, and I wimper. But, I don't change it.

At first, I just stand there and take it all in. I move slowly. Washing and rinsing, like I'm being precise to make sure my sins are gone. But, I don't need steel bristles to make me realize I've done bad. When I'm done, I still just stand there. Letting the water flow on my curves and envelope my body; I feel whole. I feel right.

You could never make me feel as good as water does.

Friends Only

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 00:57:00 GMT

Because I have nothing better to do with my time

Than to make you wait

On me

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